we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I still have a little drunk in my system
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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