I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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