so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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