it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
