Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
