I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
