evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
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He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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