East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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