Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
