i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
i don't wanna talk about it
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
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Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?