im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.