big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
23 Men Confess What Gifts Would Brighten Their Day
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling