let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
