I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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