i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
He called his prostate his "boner button".
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
