as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
These 17 Parents Decided to Cut Contact With Their Horrible Kids
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet