so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
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Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
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All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
She's just so happy...and so naked.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex