haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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