go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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