We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
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