Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
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