How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
