I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
As shirtless as possible
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
