Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
