i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
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I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
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I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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