420 ftw
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
