Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
