The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
