I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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