Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
