You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I just saw a hot homeless man
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
