i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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