Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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