We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
