That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Randomize
