Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Randomize