I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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