How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize