Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
