He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
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Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
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I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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