one two three fourrrrnication!
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
