there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
