i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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