Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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