update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
