i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
