too bad you live with your parents still
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
