I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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