WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
