I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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