You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I have aggressive nipples.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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