I have demons in me.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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