i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
