We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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