You're a womanizer and a bitch.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I need a burrito and a hug.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
