I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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