butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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