No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
