In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
