I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
