with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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