Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Randomize
