do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
