if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize