So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
my being single is dangerous.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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