she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
