Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
