Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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