I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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