I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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