i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Randomize
